Humans. For The Most Part, You Are Dull And Blundering. But Occasionally, You Can Be Remarkably Bright Creatures

I recently finished reading Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt.

~POSSIBLE SPOILER ALERT~

  Rating: 2.75/5 stars

"After Tova Sullivan's husband died, she began working the night shift at the Sowell Bay Aquarium, mopping floors and tidying up. Keeping busy has always helped her cope, which she's been doing since her eighteen-year-old son, Erik, mysteriously vanished on a boat in Puget Sound over thirty years ago.

Tova becomes acquainted with curmudgeonly Marcellus, a giant Pacific octopus living at the aquarium. Marcellus knows more than anyone can imagine but wouldn't dream of lifting one of his eight arms for his human captors--until he forms a remarkable friendship with Tova.

Ever the detective, Marcellus deduces what happened the night Tova's son disappeared. And now Marcellus must use every trick his old invertebrate body can muster to unearth the truth for her before it's too late."

I’m not sure if there is a specific genre for what this book is – lachrymose lyrical, tearjerker tale, heartwarming something something to fortify one’s faith in the innate goodness of people, etc, etc. – but this is definitely one of those. Normally, I stay away from these things, but this one charmed me with its cephalopodan charm, reached out and grabbed me with its eight tentacles, you know how it goes…you meet an octopus and you are just mesmerized.

And Marcellus is no ordinary octopus; he is a grand Pacific octopus, and smart even for his species, like an Einstein of octopuses, but with more emotional intelligence. Marcellus is on the last days of his life span, tragically short at only four years, and decides to use his time to help some clueless humans sort out their lives.

Cue in the humans…and that’s where the book can’t hold water. Or whatever the expression ought to be, since paper and water holding don’t seem like a great combination. There are two principal human characters – Tova, a charming, industrious 70-year-old lady, who, despite having plenty of money, works as a night cleaner at the aquarium where Marcellus lives, for something to do, and Cameron, a 30-year-old loser. Tova has recently decided to rethink her self-reliance, sell her place, and go live in a fancy old community.

Wait, you say, Tova got a proper description and Cameron got one word? Yes, because first and foremost, Cameron is a loser. And the novel’s greatest downfall. Because this genre is supposed to have loveable losers who are reformed through the magical intervention of miraculous randomness and kindness of strangers. Well, here the author forgot or failed to make Cameron lovable. Instead, he comes across as a whiny, selfish brat whose momma (boohoo) abandoned him when he was young – an excuse he used throughout his life to justify failure, including but not limited to...taking advantage of a college scholarship, holding down a job, having a place to live, and so on. Mind you, Cameron wasn’t ever in the system; he was taken in, taken care of, and loved by an aunt, it’s just that he’s never been able to shrug off that teenage angst.

Cameron is smart, so smart, we know this because we are constantly told this, by him himself and others, yet the only way his smarts present themselves is through occasional random trivia. Other than that, the guy’s a loser through and through. Obnoxious, annoying, whiny kind.

And so, when Cameron finds himself unmoored once more, he decides to track down his mystery father, a father he decides, on scant evidence, to be a local man of not inconsiderable wealth, and demand years of back child support payments. Yeah, smart plan, Cameron, we can see why everyone says you’re a genius.

Anyway, Cameron sets off on his quest, promptly finds himself penniless, has to borrow money from his aunt, and then ends up in the same small Washington state town as Tova and Marcellus. And wouldn’t you know it, life smiles on Cameron the entire way – people are feeding him, giving him places to live, jobs to do, etc. Presumably, that’s the heartwarming thing at play. Cameron does his best but, of course, ends up blowing up every chance he is given, until the (genuinely) smart octopus shows him and the kindly old Tova the error of their ways. In a plot twist, surprising to no one smart, their connection is revealed, the balloons are released, and a happy ending unrolls itself. Tada.

All in all, pretty basic proceedings, albeit objectively decently written, the bag of immature bricks that is Cameron just about sinks the entire production.

And the other thing…this genre, I just don’t care for it. It seems to strive for a certain degree of verisimilitude, albeit heavily buttered with niceness, and it just doesn’t work; life doesn’t work that way.

I read plenty of speculative fiction, so I’m not a stranger to altered realities, but this reality isn’t so much altered as it is skewed, uncanny valley style. It’s almost real, but then again, it isn’t. This drama is to life what romcoms are to love - rubbish, creating unreasonable expectations. The book to go...awww over, like the YouTube videos of babies or something, look how cute. There’s obviously a market for this sort of thing, and I’m sure this book will do just fine, but, as readable as it innately was, it kind of pissed this reader off. Which resulted in a ridiculously long review. Sorry. Not sorry. Anyway, it read quickly.

Check out Remarkably Bright Creatures, and discover what happens when a man, a woman, and an octopus star in a book.